I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
