Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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