So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
