Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
