Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
