He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
