Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize