The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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