1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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