like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
