I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
