he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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