she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
