i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
