you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
