mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
