Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
