Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
