Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
