dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
