How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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