it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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