you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
