so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
