Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My feet surprised me
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