I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
