I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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