So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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