if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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