I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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