i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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