A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
