we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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