just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
