Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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