i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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