Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
