So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
