New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
