wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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