He kissed a someone with a penis
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
