Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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