we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
