Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
