We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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