I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize