Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
