i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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