just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
