why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
