i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
