Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
