i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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