I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
