Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
