He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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