Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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