when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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