pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
