I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
